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I have had another week in the oyster helicopter again, might have to give it a wash. I have spent the week checking to see if I have grown any new habits, the old wallet, keys phone is the big one. It is also the one that would get me killed if I was on star trek-touching my communicator every couple of seconds, I’d be straight down to the planet with an uncharged phaser (I would of left it in my pocket overnight so I would know where it would be).

 I have heard rumours off my friends that Stephen the Hawk has been on a space spin (Not to be confused with Hudson hawk or Condorman) well if you see him tell him still owes me for that scampi that he hasn’t paid for and if he is not careful I’m going to have to unleash the centaur.

Hello.
   Its Sunday and things have already started to go wrong.  A

shambling mound of fetid clothes barked at me ‘Swarm!’ Of

course I went straight for my ninja blowpipe and a deep puddle

to avoid the threat of being chased by an arrow of bees. One

soaking later I realised the clothing lump had said ‘It’s warm’ I

swam the butterfly to the kerb underwater, just in case, and

punched what I thought was a person- turns out it was a dog

of no fixed description (possibly a Sealyham) that proceeded to

attack me as though it was Zoltan hound of Dracula(always

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPEND TO THE TEXT

IN MIND THE APPLES. APOLOGIES.C

Hello.

I got chased into work by a naked gnome riding a ‘shining’

 Style tricycle, he tried to avoid me by looking into shop windows

every time I turned around (for some reason Bonnie Tyler plays in

Hello.

Strange goings on around the house this week.

I think there is a hirsute poltergeist

sneaking around my TV.All of my dvds

were piled up in a single column(well

not all of them, but enough to reach the

lightfittings) and there was a single hair

growing out of the TV- I'm going to look

into this and let you know.

Other things are happening as well. I am

starting to feel a bit frightened-went for a

walk and managed to overtake a herd of speed

walkers, discovered the word piccaninny is three

pages behind pit and pelf means wealth. The point

Well what a week I’m having.

I managed to escape from Capricorn One with a very

important equation. I will be showing it to you in parts

and in drawing form, it’s very complicated, I got chased

Hello again

What a day I'm having.

Its just not fitting together.

    I managed to get a huge amount of soap in my eye,

maybe not a whole bar but not far off. I followed this by

Tricking myself in thoughts, ' The clean clothes live upstairs.'

Realising my error-clothes are not alive but if they were they

may not let me wear them. What if I had to spend the day in

fancy dress again?

    Then I almost overdosed on salsa, the ..? is it

a relish or a dip? Not the dance anway, I'm more of a tango

foxtrot person, so I curl up in a ball for ten minutes and

Hello and welcome.

For a start I will apoligise for the wonky text last time.

I was actually multi-tasking at the time Playstation/blog/radio/cup of coffee It is

not advisable and as you see even the pro's

make mistakes.

Firstly today I bring news of DEATH:

The deadly goat hair

Fabius, a roman praetor, choked to death

because of a single goat hair in the milk

he was drinking.

The reason for this cautionary tale is

because I was ill for almost a whole

day, I believe somebody had left a

Well I've gone and done the A-list/z-list celeb' thing and not kept

 anyone up to date on world issues. Heard a rumour that Lindsay Lohan hadn't overhauled her blog from 2003, this week you get 'sorry I'm a drunk.' There was also a Babs Striesand( is that really the correct spelling, I might have to go and ask a neighbour) thing but I have already forgotten what it was.

Damn that Q Tarintino fellow I have just spent two years building

 up a body of work involving Kurt Russell and he goes and jumps

 ship. Well I got my hands on various dark files today which I will

Wow. Sorry about the delays. I was stuck on the Blue Peter ship, they wouldn't let me off. I had to dress up as different people to win quiz things(won a dog called petra-think it has been dead for sometime). I also had to clean the grass, this is not as easy as it sounds when one of your legs has been turned to wood. Damn that quick grow stuff. Anyway I Have found a sacred image of the bee founders or my parents I'm not sure which one is the truth anymore.This is not Kurt Russell Enjoy. I will be back in an hour-got an egg in trouble in a pan of water. Well I now realise that time is irrelevant to the reader, just finished supper or was if tiffing? With egg or sans egg. I uncovered an image of Jijim Carey in an underground well, it was next to Maymaybe's photo montage of Anandy Warhol, I'm hoping its worth a few quid. I have been working hard on the art and the writers craft,I hope to show you some of these valuable nuggets of stuff after I get the green light. I am still very unsure about that, because I have no idea what it means, except I foolishly bought a book with a green cover and it scares me so much I can't look at it. I also cover it up at night in case it does something to me. Made up a fantastic first line as well, very excited will let you in on that in the next few days-needs a bit of polish(and thats polish not polish, might have to invest in a caps lock lost the last one in a blind dagfight).